When I am in my house, I always smell poop.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Play becomes work
Anonybabe got quite pissy last night when I didn't want to eat from her hand as often as she wanted to feed me. "Uunh!" she would bark, slapping her high chair tray, "UUUNGH!"
Anonyhubby said when he gave her a slice of apple yesterday, she took one look at him and shoved the whole thing in her mouth sideways, prompting him to fish it out so he could offer it back to her in bite sizes. She really lost her shit, crying and yelling, so he waited to give the apple back so she wouldn't associate temper tantrums with getting her way.
Let the power plays begin.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Unjun
For a long time - like, years and years, I could slice onions without tearing up. I remembered a time when onion fumes burned, back when I was a child, but hadn't really experienced the sting for eons. I didn't consciously congratulate myself for my dry eyes, but looking back, part of me thought crying over onions was for the weak of eye, and that I was pretty rad.
Cut through an onion-friendly youth and young adulthood to the present. I got an eye infection and was forced to wear glasses for 10 days. During that time I cut onions and holy-of-holies did it burn! I was confused for a long, weepy moment; my eyes don't burn when I cut onions...and then it dawned on me that in the daylight hours between the ages of 10 and 33, my eyes were pretty much constantly covered by contact lenses. I only took them out right before I went to bed, and had not yet found occasion to chop onions with my back resting against the headboard.
So for 20-odd years I thought I had this minor super power, when really I was just getting an unacknowledged assist from my contacts. I'm pretty amused by my easy assumption that I was somehow stronger and better than everybody else, even if it was just in the onion-cutting department. It makes me wonder how many other invisible assists I get that make my life great that I don't even realize.
I'm like the upper-middle classer who opposes welfare because I have never needed it; why should anyone? I also feels like this applies to my relationship with Anonyhub; I thought we got along more or less swimmingly before Anonybabe because of our incredible maturity, foresight, and levelheadedness. Not, as I'm coming to realize, because we'd never experienced a real challenge to our relationship until it tap-danced across our noses in the form of Anonybabe. Looks like I'm absolutely blind to my own priviledge and quick to take credit where it isn't due.
Monday, February 4, 2008
The More You Know
(Before I share this post with you, let me get something off my chest ahead of time in the interest of full disclosure: the website I've started trolling on a regular basis and that I mention below - mamasource.com - recently ran a survey of members asking if they had a parenting blog. When I clicked yes, I got an email asking if I would be interested in blogging about mamasource and then emailing a link of my entry in to them. In return they would possibly list my post on their site and open my blog up to a whole world of anonymoms. A breezy little I-scratch-yours-etc-etc, arrangement. I feel a little funny about this even though I honestly enjoy surfing the site. Okay, now that you're fully in the know, form your opinions as you may).
So I told the tale of Anonybabe hitting me to several friends and then submitted the question of what to do about it to Mamasource, a website that allows you to post any question and gather advice from mamas in your area. First of all, I love love love me some public forum action. It exists, in smaller ways on other parenting websites, like babycenter.com or in my Le Leche League chapter. But babycenter has annoying pop-up ads and a squeaky-clean commercial vibe, while Le Leche League is a small local base of moms who have a strong breast-feeding anti-medicine bias. (I happen to agree with it most of the time, but I like to hear a broader base of opinions). I'm sure there's a lot of this kind of thing out there, but mamasource seems to have streamlined the q&a between moms to just that.
I've been reading other mom's questions and answers for the past couple of weeks and it seems you are guaranteed at least one horribly bad answer to your query there, several mediocre ones, and at least one or two very helpful answers. And it's quick -- I got a string of 16 suggestions within 24 hours for curing Anonybabe of her violent tendencies, and this is with hundreds of much juicier questions whizzing around daily, from "My husband decided to relocate without consulting me" to "My 4 1/2 year old is acting out" to "My baby just pooped as I put him to sleep - do I really have to change him?".
I could find and dismiss the horrible answer fairly easily: ("Hit her back! Worked wonders for my son's hitting and biting!") and got the answer I needed from all the people who read the subtext to my question: Yes, she's no longer an infant, yes it's okay, nay necessary to make her responsible for her actions and start teaching what kindness and consideration mean. I needed to hear that. I was having an almost impossible time thinking of Anonybabe as anything but a big fat embryo who has developed some pretty cool party tricks. The hitting and the laying down of the no-hitting law have flipped a little switch in me that seems profound: Anonybabe is not just a baby - what she is in the present; she's a potential woman & fellow human being. All that she has, does & experiences will be carried with her into the future and it's time to start treating her as such.
I still need to hear it. It makes my brain want to explode when I look at a 2 year old and know that Anonybabe will be talking in sentences and throwing manipulative temper tantrums in such a short period of time, much less asking for a cell phone and wanting to spend the night with her girlfriends just a few short years later. I remember the inner life of a four-year old. It was dadgum complex. Yipe.
Can I make a little incindiary remark about mamasource commentators while I'm here? The professional advice that comes from people trained in psychology and child development typically sucks compared to the mama advice. Even the horrifically bad advice smacks of the been-there-done-that vibe you need to trust what someone is telling you.
So I told the tale of Anonybabe hitting me to several friends and then submitted the question of what to do about it to Mamasource, a website that allows you to post any question and gather advice from mamas in your area. First of all, I love love love me some public forum action. It exists, in smaller ways on other parenting websites, like babycenter.com or in my Le Leche League chapter. But babycenter has annoying pop-up ads and a squeaky-clean commercial vibe, while Le Leche League is a small local base of moms who have a strong breast-feeding anti-medicine bias. (I happen to agree with it most of the time, but I like to hear a broader base of opinions). I'm sure there's a lot of this kind of thing out there, but mamasource seems to have streamlined the q&a between moms to just that.
I've been reading other mom's questions and answers for the past couple of weeks and it seems you are guaranteed at least one horribly bad answer to your query there, several mediocre ones, and at least one or two very helpful answers. And it's quick -- I got a string of 16 suggestions within 24 hours for curing Anonybabe of her violent tendencies, and this is with hundreds of much juicier questions whizzing around daily, from "My husband decided to relocate without consulting me" to "My 4 1/2 year old is acting out" to "My baby just pooped as I put him to sleep - do I really have to change him?".
I could find and dismiss the horrible answer fairly easily: ("Hit her back! Worked wonders for my son's hitting and biting!") and got the answer I needed from all the people who read the subtext to my question: Yes, she's no longer an infant, yes it's okay, nay necessary to make her responsible for her actions and start teaching what kindness and consideration mean. I needed to hear that. I was having an almost impossible time thinking of Anonybabe as anything but a big fat embryo who has developed some pretty cool party tricks. The hitting and the laying down of the no-hitting law have flipped a little switch in me that seems profound: Anonybabe is not just a baby - what she is in the present; she's a potential woman & fellow human being. All that she has, does & experiences will be carried with her into the future and it's time to start treating her as such.
I still need to hear it. It makes my brain want to explode when I look at a 2 year old and know that Anonybabe will be talking in sentences and throwing manipulative temper tantrums in such a short period of time, much less asking for a cell phone and wanting to spend the night with her girlfriends just a few short years later. I remember the inner life of a four-year old. It was dadgum complex. Yipe.
Can I make a little incindiary remark about mamasource commentators while I'm here? The professional advice that comes from people trained in psychology and child development typically sucks compared to the mama advice. Even the horrifically bad advice smacks of the been-there-done-that vibe you need to trust what someone is telling you.
Awwww, or The More They are Amazing and Adorable the More They Are Like Everybody Else...Ain't it Grand?
Along with Anonybabe's new skill set comes the desire to feed Anonyhubby and I. She'll raise a pea-sized smidgen of toast high in the air, holding her mouth open while we lean forward and let her carefully place it in our mouths, and then lean back, pleased and smacking along with us as we chew and swallow. It's great fun, and gives me the opportunity to teach her "nooooo thank you" when I've had enough.
She's also experimenting with the art of stuffing more food than she can possibly swallow into her mouth at once.
Anonyhub is such a fun playmate for her. I try to take pages from his book and sorta roughhouse with her; we have fun and I can finally make her giggle, but Anonyhubby can just make her shreik with laughter. Last night he would "toss" her onto the bed with a dramatic count-off, and then tickle her belly with his scratchy face, or fall onto the bed while she was on it and make her bounce, or "chase" her around the bed while she crawled around on all fours cackling like a maniac. I wish people who have only seen her docile stare could see her enjoying herself. She loves playing peek-a-boo with him because he'll hide behind something like the armchair and then Houdini-like, crawl to another piece of furniture out of her sight and startle her by popping up behind the couch. Or he'll hold up a blanket and peek at her behind it a couple of time and then shimmy himself behind the changing table before dropping it like he's disappeared, then he'll pop out at her with a "boo!" She loves it.
She's also experimenting with the art of stuffing more food than she can possibly swallow into her mouth at once.
Anonyhub is such a fun playmate for her. I try to take pages from his book and sorta roughhouse with her; we have fun and I can finally make her giggle, but Anonyhubby can just make her shreik with laughter. Last night he would "toss" her onto the bed with a dramatic count-off, and then tickle her belly with his scratchy face, or fall onto the bed while she was on it and make her bounce, or "chase" her around the bed while she crawled around on all fours cackling like a maniac. I wish people who have only seen her docile stare could see her enjoying herself. She loves playing peek-a-boo with him because he'll hide behind something like the armchair and then Houdini-like, crawl to another piece of furniture out of her sight and startle her by popping up behind the couch. Or he'll hold up a blanket and peek at her behind it a couple of time and then shimmy himself behind the changing table before dropping it like he's disappeared, then he'll pop out at her with a "boo!" She loves it.
Pain in the neck
I have emotional whiplash from loving/hating my husband.
I remember about 2 weeks ago feeling all warm-fuzzy about how great he is and how I love that he takes care of the house and Anonybabe and supports me emotionally and is cute and has common sense and morals...and he paints and plays guitar and listens to the presidential debates!
And this weekend he couldn't say boo without me hating his guts. His common sense and morals in particular were getting on my nerves. Why does he want to take extra time to scoop out the car in the morning? Isn't this the same guy who is always so worried about me getting to work on time, and now he wants to hold me up? Also, he stayed after work one night to talk to the parents of one of his teenage co-workers...people he really likes and they really like him too. They think he's funny and nice and I agree. But he lost track of time and didn't call me to tell me he was headed home until midnight. That wasn't the problem. I figured he was taking some much needed time hanging out and was just gearing up to call him just to make sure he was still a-okay. But he apologized up and down for not calling, saying over and over again that he was sorry and that not calling was unacceptable. That got on my nerves. Mostly because he loses his shit when I don't call to say where I am and I wish he would lighten up about it. I love getting so lost in enjoying something that I lose track of time; I find it very relaxing. So the fact that he always rejects this as evil and inconsiderate just bothers me.
Obviously I still have a little venom in my tank, but I'm winding down. We ramped things up Friday night by talking about ways we are not on the same page when it comes to child-rearing, religion, socializing, and housecleaning. Four topics that should never be aired at once if you want to have a nice weekend with your spouse.
I remember about 2 weeks ago feeling all warm-fuzzy about how great he is and how I love that he takes care of the house and Anonybabe and supports me emotionally and is cute and has common sense and morals...and he paints and plays guitar and listens to the presidential debates!
And this weekend he couldn't say boo without me hating his guts. His common sense and morals in particular were getting on my nerves. Why does he want to take extra time to scoop out the car in the morning? Isn't this the same guy who is always so worried about me getting to work on time, and now he wants to hold me up? Also, he stayed after work one night to talk to the parents of one of his teenage co-workers...people he really likes and they really like him too. They think he's funny and nice and I agree. But he lost track of time and didn't call me to tell me he was headed home until midnight. That wasn't the problem. I figured he was taking some much needed time hanging out and was just gearing up to call him just to make sure he was still a-okay. But he apologized up and down for not calling, saying over and over again that he was sorry and that not calling was unacceptable. That got on my nerves. Mostly because he loses his shit when I don't call to say where I am and I wish he would lighten up about it. I love getting so lost in enjoying something that I lose track of time; I find it very relaxing. So the fact that he always rejects this as evil and inconsiderate just bothers me.
Obviously I still have a little venom in my tank, but I'm winding down. We ramped things up Friday night by talking about ways we are not on the same page when it comes to child-rearing, religion, socializing, and housecleaning. Four topics that should never be aired at once if you want to have a nice weekend with your spouse.
Friday, February 1, 2008
In & Out
From the time she could grasp objects in her hand, Anonybabe has delighted in emptying toy baskets, sock bins, bookshelves...anything that had things in it that she could get out, she would do so with relish. We have video of one of the first times she pulled herself up, it was on a box of CDs that Anonyhubby was pricing to sell on Amazon. She immediately got lost in pulling cases out of the box and tossing them onto the floor. Before long she was leaning so far into the box that her little feet were dangling off of the carpet, CDs flying over her shoulder . If we needed to keep her occupied, we would always just give her something to empty. She also has a little affectation that to us is cute, but to others who have no reason to like my daughter might be eyebrow raising: she always tosses things aside with a flick of her wrist that implies "ugh! This old thing." It makes her look like a horrible baby snob.
But yesterday was a watershed day; she actually deigned to put something in a container. And she did it again today! Anonyhub and I were both very happy to see this; me because now I don't have to worry about her having some emptying-only OCD, and Anonyhub has misty-eyed visions of the two of them organizing closets together someday.
But yesterday was a watershed day; she actually deigned to put something in a container. And she did it again today! Anonyhub and I were both very happy to see this; me because now I don't have to worry about her having some emptying-only OCD, and Anonyhub has misty-eyed visions of the two of them organizing closets together someday.
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