Growing Pains

Anonybabe and I walked to the grocery store on Saturday. It's a long walk, probably half a mile. I picked her up several times to move things along, but in general I wanted to take our time, make it a leisurely stroll. Anonybabe did not want to hold my hand; she wanted to walk alone (all the while chanting "wa, wa, wa" for "walk, walk, walk").

I was surprised how stricken I was by this. I want my little girl to be independent; I do, I do, I do. Especially after talking with a friend about Anonyhub's family - whose style is to stay very enmeshed, vs. my family - whose style is to push you out of the nest with a cheery "buh bye!". My family can be a little distant, a little stand-offish, but by god are they gonna let you do your thing. They are impressed & pleased with people who can take care of themselves. I want to pass some of those values on to Anonybabe, because they have served me well. I don't think all families should be like mine; I know at least two of my exes were perturbed at the distance from which my family operates. But I was equally perturbed by their dependence on their parents' approval. So I plan on pushing what worked for me. I'm sure there's a happy medium, and it'll be up to Anonybabe to find it.

But I digress. She wanted to walk alone! And instead of glowing with pride, I felt sad. I felt lonely. I could beat myself up for those feelings, but I think instead I'll soak them in and let them pass. I can grieve being joined at the hip. And try to console myself with the hope that this is the beginning of a long passage into a different kind of relationship. The kind where I revel in her personality and not her proximity.