Today we had coffee with a couple who was in our pre-Anonybabe childbirth class. Their daughter was due one week after Anonybabe, but ended up being born a couple of weeks before. We'd clicked hard with them at the time of the class, but had only managed to hook up one time post-vagina rending.
Their daughter is a tiny effervescent thing, with sparse dark hair, thin dark eyebrows that she has recently learned to waggle to great effect, and expressive eyes. Her parents had been teaching her the signs for some time and she had a big vocabulary, signing like crazy and making conversation whenever she could. When we walked up she took the sticks we'd gathered on our walk over and proffered them brightly back to Anonybabe for her to eat. She knew the sign for "friend" and used it frequently, toddling around from table to table and asking for or offering bites of food to the patrons. Her mom told us she'd recently climbed into a stranger's lap at another coffee shop, pointing to her muffin and to ask if she could have some. She was, in a word, amazing.
Anonybabe, by contrast, sat in my lap. She has taken nary a step, but she didn't venture down for so much as a stand, much less a crawl. She scowled at our friends and stared somberly at their daughter, sizing her up. Eventually she loosened up enough to suck some peanut butter and jelly off of the english muffins I brought, and shove a toy duck into my hands for me to make quack and share her sandwich. She was, in two words, social deadweight, as usual.
As our friend's daughter smiled and flirted and flitted around us, and Anonybabe sucked peanut butter, I allowed myself a few moments of self-incrimination. Did we do this to her? Did I? Had I coddled her or kept her at home too much? Should I have helped her learn to walk instead of letting her figure it out on her own? Was she doomed with us as parents?
And then, just as quickly as the storm clouds had gathered in my mind, they scuttled away. Anonybabe was still scowling on my lap, but suddenly I felt a warm affection for the gal. She was just utterly and completely being herself. And I loved her for it. I would be more than delighted to spend the day with this other toddler. She was bright, she was fun. But I don't like Anonybabe "because" or "in spite of". I really just do.
As we walked away from our coffee date I squeezed her midriff repeatedly. She's just so very her. It's hard to separate moments of pride with moments of recognition, because they both give me a warm glow.
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