Jesus fuck indeed

Jesus fuck am I in a horrible mood today. Anonyhub got the brunt of it. Two angry ranting voicemails worth. I feel bad and he suffers. Well, Anonybabe got her fair share this morning, too. She woke up on the wrong side of the bed, crying, whining with hair-trigger speed.

She is figuring out, in her weird, robot-like way, that crying = sadness. What I mean is, she'll stop to consider the connection. She fell off of a stool the other day and it scared the crap out of her and bruised her bum. She wailed for a couple of seconds and then, when Anonyhub picked her up to comfort her and asked if she was okay, she sobbed "Ye-he-he-hess. I just want to cry for a little bit." And she did. When she fake cries she'll stop to announce it brightly, looking pleased with herself, "I just did a little cry, because I am a little sad." She toys with these announcements, seeing if she can use them to get something: "I am crying because I am sad because I want some apple juice. Wah." When I am on my game I find it clever and interesting to see her work through the emotion/response/reaction cycles. But this morning I wasn't interested in seeing her work out how she could get the breakfast she wanted by crying about the breakfast she had. I wasn't interested in her sincerely tearful implosion after I cheered her up by showing her how her three banana segments could be put together like a puzzle to form a whole banana...and then they kept falling back apart when she'd try to pick them up as one. I tried to sit her on my lap to comfort her, which worked until I tried to get her to eat breakfast, and she would dissolve into tears again.

Then I was angry that I had to try to make her eat, angry that I had to try to rush an unwilling toddler to daycare (why exactly was she in daycare again?), angry that I had to then go to work instead of hanging out with her, angry when Anonybabe refused to get herself out of the car, angry when Anonybabe was suddenly in a great mood as I carried her in, angry when Igor made sure to complain to me that the previous day Anonybabe just chattered and chattered while they were trying to get her to take one of those fucking naps that I hate because they fuck with Anonybabe's bedtime, angry that yet again all I seem to hear about is how inconvenient Anonybabe is.

The result was two angry emails to Anonyhub. Why are we doing this? Why can't we change it? Why aren't you helping me? What the hell are you doing with your time anyway?

Not really fair considering I was just telling Anonyhub how happy I was with his jobless status a few days ago. And just last night I was thinking what an amazing housekeeper he is. Truly. And he's been making damn sure that he finds ways to contribute to the household income - arranging for unemployment, and selling off his record collection as needed.

There's a lot going on here, including a couple of nights without enough sleep and a shitty diet that probably has my blood sugar on the fritz, but I know I'm not happy working 5 days a week. Who is? But I want something different, and I'm tired of asking Anonyhub to make the necessary changes to make me like my life.