Boo completes me

Sigh. Facebook has me superficially back in touch with my college boyfriend. He's a guy that I still love after a fashion, but what a horrible train wreck of a relationship we had. I guess we both learned a lot from it. His parents sort of spoiled my expectations for in-laws, in that they were smart and thoughtful and gentle and well-educated and funny and nobody since has really been able to clear the bar they set. They were far from perfect but I admired them a lot. They didn't like me too much, and rightfully so. I was like a bull in a china shop with their son...or more like an unsupervised toddler with no impulse control and no way to articulate what I needed and wanted. I just raged & stomped on his heart while I tried to figure myself out. I cheated, I lied, I did him wrong. But I loved him...which only fucked us both over more than if I hadn't.

Was thinking about all this this morning when the song Anonyhub wrote for our wedding came on my ipod. Anonyhub and I had an incredibly rough beginning, with both of us wary and mistrustful and ready to turn tail and run at the first intimation of ugliness. And this wedding song is kind of about that.

Goddamn I love that boy for that. For making beauty out of our fear and pain.

Poor ex, I fault him for not being able to do that. Seems like he was victimized by me and I need somebody who can a) call me on my shit and b) articulate it for us.