The Poop and the Fury

Sunday night I learned I'm the only person in the world Anonybabe gives a hard time to about diaper changes.

A friend and her daughter kept Anonybabe and she mentioned A had taken a dump. I took this opportunity to give my little song and dance about how Anonybabe'll be in diapers until she's six because she would happily play in one for hours. Anonyhub concurred until I went on.

"Yeah", I said, "she cries and howls every time I put her on the changing table." Surprised looks from Anonyhub and my friend.

"Really?" said my friend, "because I asked her if she had pooped in the diaper and she said 'yeah' and when I asked if we could change it she held up her arms for me to pick her up."

"Yeah, she doesn't give me a hard time," Anonyhub said, "she just doesn't mind staying dirty.

I looked, shocked, from one to the other. Anonybabe cries and whines every freaking time I take her to the changing table. Has done this consistently for months. My friend - who has a 12 year old daughter - recognized the look on my face and patted my knee.

"Oh honey," she said, "It's only for you. Get used to it. "


Last night I told Anonyhub about the recent spat of biting and fussing while he was at work. "Wow," he said. "She's just so mean to you. She doesn't do any of that with me. But she really loves you. Like, she really loves you. It's like you get the extremes - the best and the worst of her love - and I'm somewhere in the middle."

I'm flattered that I'm the object of her strongest emotions, I guess. But I don't like being the whipping boy for her frustrations. I think it means she feels safe with me, that she can vent her worst. When I step back and look at it I feel like this is supposed to happen, like this is the fire in which our relationship is going to be forged. Lordy. When I said I wanted a fireball, I guess I didn't expect to be taking the brunt of her fire. I don't know what the hell I expected, though. I'm her mother. That's my job. Not to lay down and take it, per se, but to endure it. Help her learn how to direct all her joy and fury. To be there with her and help her when I can. And apologize to her when I can't. Because there are times when I just can't. I'm human.