If you love her, let her go

I don't like the idea of getting a moment of clarity from the Sex And the City movie, but I'll take my inspiration from whence it comes.

I'd casually tossed off here that I'm anxious because I feel I don't understand Anonybabe, and I wished we could be joined at the brain stem, right?

Last night I went to see SATC by myself. I don't recommend it unless you instantly recognize that acronym for what it is, and have spent years all up in the business of Samantha and Carrie and Miranda and Charlotte. Even then it wasn't a good movie, but I ate up the themes of messy but committed love and friendship nevertheless. When I was walking back with a silly grin on my face I thought about a moment where Miranda had to make a decision not with her brain but with her heart, and I thought - the closeness I'm longing for with Anonybabe doesn't mean being joined at the brain stem, but at the heart. Hallmarky as that sounds, it resonated. My gut tells me the difference between the two is more than just semantics. Then I had this weird vision of each metaphor that I might as well share:

The idea of joint brain stems conjured up all of the loneliness and inadequacy and fear of wanting to hold on to something forever while knowing that it's just not possible. I thought of scientists trying to get to the essence of a thing by finding out its smallest components. I saw a tiny me, crawling inside one of Anonybabe's brain cells, which in my imagination was a barren room like a holding cell in a mental institution. I sat on the hard linoleum, knees to my chest, staring at the oatmeal colored walls, all alone.

The vision that sprang to mind when I thought of being joined at the heart with my daughter was of us as adults on opposite sides of the globe - she's dark-haired and laughing lustily, I'm quiet and strong and content and very near a massive garden. We're happily going about our business, far apart physically but secure in the knowledge that we're close anyway.

I don't know what all my mental pictures mean, other than this: Love her. Enjoy her. See her through the eyes of love and then not only will I really see her, I'll be able to let her go.

If I can swing that, then it doesn't really matter how much or how little I understand her, and it'll be enough.