Waaaaah

Hi. Long time no blog. Look, I left my idea notebook out at work where the cleaning crew could see it and mistake it for trash, and now I think it's gone. Gone, gone. And my writing mojo seems to be seriously ebbing at the moment. And my daughter is prone to angry temper tantrums that involve hitting things or people repeatedly. Charming. And after my last visit to my sister all of my ideas about libertarian parenting seem delusional and stupid. I feel like I've lost my bearings as a parent. And I hate that I'm someone who can lose her bearings so easily. And I've been feeling the desperate need to be around people and talk to people and interact with people (rare for little old introverted me) at a time when the whole world seems to want to be left alone. Do you know how many freaking emails I sent out in the past 10 days that were completely ignored? A lot. And I'm taking it personally. And I hate that I'm taking it personally. And I've also been trolling my favorite blog spots and leaving long, needy, weird comments with the subtext "love me! love me! laugh at me!" and then hating myself for it. And my boss called me out for not, you know, working at work. And have I mentioned how I've been throwing myself at friends and family and relative strangers, only to have them not respond, leaving me paranoid about whether they are just busy or are completely turned off by my stench of desperation? (Not you, A; you even kept on the phone with me through a teething baby screamfest...thank you).

Please tell me I'm not alone in these moments of self-doubt, self-loathing, and general waah-itude.

Tonight is my night off, and I think I need to spend it alone. I plan on having a good stiff margarita and do a little writing. *Anonymom wipes underneath eyes, smooths shirt* Now that I've had a good e-cry, I think I'm ready to enjoy it.