Have you seen this picture? It is of that Hanna Montana chick - Miley Cyrus, flashing a little lace to some camera. She is 15 or so, and apparently this has kicked up a maelstrom of reactions, especially since she is on one of those squeaky-clean Disney shows. People seem outraged that she is trying to look sexy, but shouldn't we be more outraged that shows like Hanna Montana present such a fake squeaky-clean image? Real goodness has a lot of dirt mixed in, a lot of awkwardness and a lot of poor decisions.
I mean, I guess we can get annoyed with our culture for idolizing sex so much. You can argue that our times are rotten, and that such a sexual culture seems destined to consume itself in the end, but I tend to think we are where we are and that doesn't mean sex is so bad, or even that 15 year olds trying to flex their newly discovered muscles as a sexual being is a harbinger of the end-times. I don't know where y'all grew up, but where I lived, thirteen to fifteen was about the age that kids really started to realize there was a lion slumbering inside of them, whether they chose to suppress it or not. Girls recognized the awesome power of flirtation; guys started to define themselves based on whether they could get girls to talk (or more!) with them. Being 15 means you have a lot of sexual power and not a lot of smarts. Miley's little bra flash shows that she is a typical teenage girl as I remember her: little self-obsessed, a little bit of an attention-hog, and trying to assimilate and process what American culture tells her she should be.
Is that really so bad?
And then another part of me thinks, is there something wrong with me for thinking this way? As the mother of a future 15 year old, shouldn't I be appalled at the state of teen girls today instead of empathetic to it? Now let me say that I feel a little silly even putting my opinions about this topic out there. I grew up in a household in which sex was considered a sacred special thing between only married people, or, as a fast track to ruin between non-married folks. S-E-X was a slippery slope to...something bad, and moral fibre could not withstand the nookie the way I heard tell. The reasoning for this was vague, but my father's scare tactics had their intended effect on me - I was too terrified to have sex until I was well past the age of procuring my own alcohol. My reticence to put out certainly had its perks. I was mature enough to handle the emotional fallout of sex when I finally had it. I was old enough to recognize my own mortality and the importance of practicing safe sex.
So although I enjoyed the byproducts of a sex-free pre-adulthood, I don't know that the way I got there was worth it. All of my decisions about sexuality were based on fear. I was too worried about consequences to experiment...let alone make the stupid mistakes that make people capable of real love. I think I had a really stunted adolescence because of this: emotionally, socially, & otherwise. So even though I'm sure lots of my peers were brought up the same way, I think it gave me a pretty myopic view on the subject of sex. Sometimes I think I overcompensate by having a careless attitude towards "it", and young teens' abilities to make smart decisions about it.
Unless things change drastically in the next 15 years, Anonybabe will be bombarded with such a plethora of sexual images and ideas that it would be silly to think she won't be trying to sort through them in earnest. It's a lot for a fifteen year old to take on. So what the hell do I teach her about all of this? I don't want Anonybabe making stupid mistakes...but I'd rather she felt it was worth it in the name of finding herself than to always sit back for fear of doing something wrong.
Mostly, I want Anonybabe to really feel she's in charge of her own sexual destiny, with all of the responsibility and power that goes with that gig. I hope she doesn't take herself too seriously, and I hope she decides to just wade right into the fray, do what feels right, make mistakes, love and lose as she chooses.
Life happens whether you make good decisions or not.
I can't believe I'm a parent. I so feel like I'm operating without a net.
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