I don't really want to be pregnant again or give birth again, much as I enjoyed it the first time around. I have this blind drive, though, to have a second child. Why? And more importantly, should I honor that blind drive or tell it to take a back seat?
I owe it to my husband and daughter to break it down. Anonyhub would like to stop at one. I like the family dynamic the way it is, and if we had another, nothing would ever be the same again. Of course I liked the family dynamic just fine before Anonybabe, and this is way better. Why not gamble again?
I do want more. More challenge, and more people I love like this around me. Given our introverted personalities, three in our house seems spare, a little lonely, a little intense. Four seems a little more well-balanced. Okay, honestly it doesn't seem more well-anything. I secretly like life to be just a little on the chaotic side, and what better way to introduce chaos than to have more kids?
But what kind of a reason is that? That's no better than just saying "my uterus wants." Maybe I shouldn't try to produce drama when there is none. Maybe I should work on myself before perpetrating a lot of sound and noise that signifies - far from nothing. It signifies another human being who'll need a responsible adult around making sure s/he has more than a guardian who is too busy acting out her deep-seated and unexamined desires.
I think a sibling would be a welcome addition to Anonybabe's life. Who else is she going to gripe to about her psycho parents? But she hasn't taken a shine to most other kids, and (shhh, don't tell our siblings but) Anonyhub and I could've both gone on quite happily being only children. Now that we're adults we're so glad to have our brother and sisters around, but as children our siblings only represented someone to torture and fight with.
So, life's a crap shoot. No matter what we decide we've gotta go on living. Any thoughts, you out there in internetland?
1 comment:
I think you should at least have one more. It seems like you'll regret if you don't and after the next one comes, you will surely have some bad days, but you won't want to send them back. Also, I have to say that most of the only children I know are pretty tortured (not to say that all of us aren't tortured in some ways)--they wish they could joke around or handle criticism better, AND the big one here, life is so difficult for them when they face parents, young or old, who are ailing in health. They bear the brunt of caring for the person alone often. So all that to say I think I feel pretty convicted that people shouldn't have just one child unless they've got something like an extended cousin network for the kid or their marriage is on the brink of disaster. (Though I know that the very act of having a 2nd puts more strain on marriage!)
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