(Before I share this post with you, let me get something off my chest ahead of time in the interest of full disclosure: the website I've started trolling on a regular basis and that I mention below - mamasource.com - recently ran a survey of members asking if they had a parenting blog. When I clicked yes, I got an email asking if I would be interested in blogging about mamasource and then emailing a link of my entry in to them. In return they would possibly list my post on their site and open my blog up to a whole world of anonymoms. A breezy little I-scratch-yours-etc-etc, arrangement. I feel a little funny about this even though I honestly enjoy surfing the site. Okay, now that you're fully in the know, form your opinions as you may).
So I told the tale of Anonybabe hitting me to several friends and then submitted the question of what to do about it to Mamasource, a website that allows you to post any question and gather advice from mamas in your area. First of all, I love love love me some public forum action. It exists, in smaller ways on other parenting websites, like babycenter.com or in my Le Leche League chapter. But babycenter has annoying pop-up ads and a squeaky-clean commercial vibe, while Le Leche League is a small local base of moms who have a strong breast-feeding anti-medicine bias. (I happen to agree with it most of the time, but I like to hear a broader base of opinions). I'm sure there's a lot of this kind of thing out there, but mamasource seems to have streamlined the q&a between moms to just that.
I've been reading other mom's questions and answers for the past couple of weeks and it seems you are guaranteed at least one horribly bad answer to your query there, several mediocre ones, and at least one or two very helpful answers. And it's quick -- I got a string of 16 suggestions within 24 hours for curing Anonybabe of her violent tendencies, and this is with hundreds of much juicier questions whizzing around daily, from "My husband decided to relocate without consulting me" to "My 4 1/2 year old is acting out" to "My baby just pooped as I put him to sleep - do I really have to change him?".
I could find and dismiss the horrible answer fairly easily: ("Hit her back! Worked wonders for my son's hitting and biting!") and got the answer I needed from all the people who read the subtext to my question: Yes, she's no longer an infant, yes it's okay, nay necessary to make her responsible for her actions and start teaching what kindness and consideration mean. I needed to hear that. I was having an almost impossible time thinking of Anonybabe as anything but a big fat embryo who has developed some pretty cool party tricks. The hitting and the laying down of the no-hitting law have flipped a little switch in me that seems profound: Anonybabe is not just a baby - what she is in the present; she's a potential woman & fellow human being. All that she has, does & experiences will be carried with her into the future and it's time to start treating her as such.
I still need to hear it. It makes my brain want to explode when I look at a 2 year old and know that Anonybabe will be talking in sentences and throwing manipulative temper tantrums in such a short period of time, much less asking for a cell phone and wanting to spend the night with her girlfriends just a few short years later. I remember the inner life of a four-year old. It was dadgum complex. Yipe.
Can I make a little incindiary remark about mamasource commentators while I'm here? The professional advice that comes from people trained in psychology and child development typically sucks compared to the mama advice. Even the horrifically bad advice smacks of the been-there-done-that vibe you need to trust what someone is telling you.
So I told the tale of Anonybabe hitting me to several friends and then submitted the question of what to do about it to Mamasource, a website that allows you to post any question and gather advice from mamas in your area. First of all, I love love love me some public forum action. It exists, in smaller ways on other parenting websites, like babycenter.com or in my Le Leche League chapter. But babycenter has annoying pop-up ads and a squeaky-clean commercial vibe, while Le Leche League is a small local base of moms who have a strong breast-feeding anti-medicine bias. (I happen to agree with it most of the time, but I like to hear a broader base of opinions). I'm sure there's a lot of this kind of thing out there, but mamasource seems to have streamlined the q&a between moms to just that.
I've been reading other mom's questions and answers for the past couple of weeks and it seems you are guaranteed at least one horribly bad answer to your query there, several mediocre ones, and at least one or two very helpful answers. And it's quick -- I got a string of 16 suggestions within 24 hours for curing Anonybabe of her violent tendencies, and this is with hundreds of much juicier questions whizzing around daily, from "My husband decided to relocate without consulting me" to "My 4 1/2 year old is acting out" to "My baby just pooped as I put him to sleep - do I really have to change him?".
I could find and dismiss the horrible answer fairly easily: ("Hit her back! Worked wonders for my son's hitting and biting!") and got the answer I needed from all the people who read the subtext to my question: Yes, she's no longer an infant, yes it's okay, nay necessary to make her responsible for her actions and start teaching what kindness and consideration mean. I needed to hear that. I was having an almost impossible time thinking of Anonybabe as anything but a big fat embryo who has developed some pretty cool party tricks. The hitting and the laying down of the no-hitting law have flipped a little switch in me that seems profound: Anonybabe is not just a baby - what she is in the present; she's a potential woman & fellow human being. All that she has, does & experiences will be carried with her into the future and it's time to start treating her as such.
I still need to hear it. It makes my brain want to explode when I look at a 2 year old and know that Anonybabe will be talking in sentences and throwing manipulative temper tantrums in such a short period of time, much less asking for a cell phone and wanting to spend the night with her girlfriends just a few short years later. I remember the inner life of a four-year old. It was dadgum complex. Yipe.
Can I make a little incindiary remark about mamasource commentators while I'm here? The professional advice that comes from people trained in psychology and child development typically sucks compared to the mama advice. Even the horrifically bad advice smacks of the been-there-done-that vibe you need to trust what someone is telling you.
No comments:
Post a Comment