Picture this - or - a lot of petty ramblings you might want to skip

Ah, the holidays. Thank god they're fucking over.

Not that I had a bad holiday season, per se, there was just a lot of running here and there around the country, and the fact that I have a lovely little being dependent on me for basics like food, waste removal and getting from point A to point B was never more apparent.

So now we are settling back in at home and I have time to reflect over the yuletide with the in-laws. Which is a strong reminder of why I made this post anonymous and have not shared it with anonyhubby.

Not that his family is so bad. Over the years, I have learned to appreciate how in their own special way they are generous, and hardworking, and love their children and grandchildren. I'm sure after a nice visit I could go on, but at the moment those are all the compliments I can muster up. Part of the problem has nothing to do with being good or bad; they are just so entirely different from my family that I found myself retreating in shock after meeting them the first time. And it's been a long slow haul since then learning how to just let them be themselves without getting all worked up about the differences.

But I'm being much too general and kind; let's gossip about specifics shall we? Like I said, this really wasn't a bad visit. I had to go fishing for complaints, and the ones I reeled in are really too small and should be tossed back in...but hey, it's the holidays; I'm gonna indulge.

First there's the stuff that doesn't really bother me, but is tiring nonetheless: the 7 & 5 year old boy nephews that are loud and want to play always. They just had a little sister born 2 months after anonybabe. They are always in her face, trolling for a smile and they sometimes get it. But most of the time, no matter their sweet intentions, they made the babies cry. They must have learned their wooing techniques from their grandpa, who makes his voice lower and lower and gets closer and closer to anonybabe in an attempt to win her over.

In return, she gives him a look of utter distrust, which causes him to guffaw and her to jump. Padre-in-law made me jump and earned my stinkeye when he allowed her to play with a spoon he'd been using to fish jalepenos out of his chili with. "Ahem," I offered calmly in an attempt to fit in to the neglectful atmosphere, "Could you maybe take that spoon away?" "Oh, she's just got the stem end," he says and then continues to chat distractedly away, as I watch her grab the fiery side with her hands and then put the end of the spoon in her mouth. She only fussed a little and anonyhubby was quick to wipe her hands before she rubbed her eyes. Padre-in-law acts like we are all overprotective and crazy. He and his wife are of the "crying is good for their lungs" camp. I've been keeping an eye on him since I found out that he let anonyhubby fall down the very tall basement stairs when anonyhub was a wee tender baby himself. Not that we can't all make mistakes. I'm sure I'll make worse ones with anonybabe. But...I don't know...the way the story was related made it sound like grandpa's babysitting skills on that day were par for the course.

The in-laws also pooh-poohed anonybabe's fever, which started the day of our trip (a six hour drive one way) and then our reticence to use baby tylenol without a thermometer around to check her temp, and then the fact that she was extra clingy. (Turns out she had Roseola). Have you ever read "Guess How Much I Love You" by Sam McBratney? It was the first book the in-laws gave our daughter when she was about 6 weeks old, and to me it pretty much sums up their attitude towards kids. A little rabbit wants to tell a big rabbit how much he loves him, only to always be one-upped by the big rabbit. It has this weird dismissive vibe towards the young rabbit. A patronizing "Oh how cute that you have your little feelings...too bad they aren't as big and important as mine". This is probably not the point of the book at all but I can't help but see it that way. Especially in the way anonyhubby is always trying to get his parents' approval and they are pretty much blind to anything but themselves.

Like for instance: Anmom-in-law wanted a family portrait made and some "proper" 8x10s of anonybabe, so on Saturday evening we all traipsed to Sears and sat on a dirty white backdrop and proceeded to take some tacky pictures to make anmom-in-law happy. They really were tacky. In one jewel of a shot, anonybabe is sitting on the grubby backdrop while anonyhubby and I flank her on our stomachs. We were supposed to be looking at the camera, but both looked at her when she gave a rare laugh (the camera lady scared the shit out of all of us) so there's a shot of us leaning on our fists, lying on the floor, gazing lovingly at our smiling daughter between us. And then there are the 8x10s of anonybabe which are just..not cute.

And then there were the shots of the in-laws with all four of their grandchildren. During the shoot, mom-in-law sat both baby granddaughters on her lap as she kneeled on the ground. She wasn't paying attention, so at one point anonybabe slumped forward just as the shutter went off and then she fell to the ground. Of the 3 or 4 grandparents/grandchildren shot, this is the one picture that mom-in-law picked. When I looked at the rest of the proofs, I saw that most of the other shots were more flattering of everyone else (not of anonybabe, she looked like she was being sent to prison camp in all of them) but madre-in-law picked the portrait that was the most flattering of her. Sigh. At least we were at the mall & got an Icee out of the deal.

I really wish I were less on edge when I go visit these people. I spend a lot of time hating everything about their house and their manners instead of just relaxing and trying to make lemonade out of lemons. Any advice?