Hump year

I gave birth to Anonybabe physically almost a year ago, but it feels like I spent the next 12 months giving birth to her emotionally. When she was plopped onto my chest in the delivery room, her black hair plastered to her scalp in little amniotic fluid waves, we stared flatly at each other. Her grey eyes echoed the empty "huh! There you are" that I felt. That seemed like the moment our emotional gestation began. Like the physical one, when it actually happened I couldn't feel it; it passed under the radar. But of course just like the moment t&a turned to dna (holla, big boi), a profound chain of events was set in motion.

I spent a lot of this first year in a state of terror and sleeplessness, which sounds bad, but from everything I've heard and experienced, was pretty natural. I took it upon myself to care for a new little life. Spasms of fear mixed with equally strong spasms of love makes sense.

And now that I've put in my time and Anonybabe's personality is starting to really come in and I'm starting to enjoy it, I am really grateful that this past year happened. And that it is over.

There's this guy I knew of in college, and then ran into when I was newly pregnant. We proceeded to have a nice talk (he being married and childless) about the to-breed-or-not-to-breed debate. When I happened upon his name a couple of weeks ago in some campus news, I decided to give him an unsolicited update. He and his wife had been teetering on the same pre-baby edge Anonyhub & were on and assuming they hadn't gone over it, I thought they'd appreciate the down-low. So I emailed them my then-current breakdown of parenting: 20 parts hardcore suckitude to 23 parts transcendent to 25 parts gruelling work to 16 parts sleep deprivation to 8 parts pleasant to 8 parts bore.... It seemed kind of a harsh assessment, but this first year was harsh.

I was also sharing with another friend how hard the first year had been on my marriage and he - being in the throes of it himself as a first-time father of a 6 month old - quickly postulated that the difficulties were a hump you just get over. He's right. Even as I was giving my pessimistic assessment of parenting and marriage on parenting, I think I might have just been cresting. I need a moment to look back at it and catch my breath and say out loud "Jesus K-rist!! That was some hump!"

So I'm feeling ready to head toward the next hump as Anonybabe's birthday (Easter Sunday) approaches.

Praise be.

Okay, here, as a stream-of-consciousness segue, is a sacrilicious link I enjoyed just yesterday.