Okay, can I talk down Anonyhub for a moment? The other night we had a intense fight over a subject we haven't fought about in a while, but one that slices right to the heart of our incompatibilities.
Anonyhub loves Disney. Not just the man, although he does like and respect Walt. He loves the movies, he loves the product. And above all else, he loves...he adores...he yearns for the theme parks. After college, he seriously considered moving down to Florida and trying to become an Imagineer.
I don't...I just can't....sigh.
He doesn't get why pretty much everyone we know is so unwaveringly anti-Disney. And he was the first to make me really think about why I'm so dismissive. It's self-evident, right? When pressed I can offer some beefs: the incessant branding of everything and anything they can get their hands on , the overwhelming creepiness of their tv shows, the blandness of the parks. He gets especially tetchy when I mention the parks. Especially tetchy. Anyone who doesn't think the parks are magical is a 17th level Ebeneezer Scrooge, hellbent on depriving all children everywhere of Christmas and the Easter bunny and St. Patrick's Day all at once. If I don't like the parks then I don't get what makes him tick and maybe we aren't meant to be together.
So obviously the parks strike a nerve. Why? Well, I've managed to effectively keep myself in the dark about this, since it was I fight I could avoid. I haven't been willing to go to the mat to deface the mouse, as much as I have no respect for him. But over the roughly seven years that Anonyhub and I have been together, I've managed to splice together a few clues.
Let's just start with the mean premise on which my theory rests: my in-laws suck. Not unequivocably; they aren't without merit, but as Anonyhub's parents they kind of blew. They are blue-collar, hard-working Iowa folk. Together since jr. high, married right out of high school, didn't go to college. Bought a little house and scrimped and saved and built onto it and filled it up with two kids. Like to laugh and drink and get together with friends and family. Sounds good, right?
Okay, here's the part where I spew like a condescending asshole. They are also one of the blandest, most vacuous families I ever spent time with. Anonyhub's mother spent much of the 30 plus years of her marriage decorating and redecorating their house. She is notorious for repainting a room oh, seven or eight times until she gets it the color that she likes it. And then she'll move on to another room and start the whole process again. They spend hours and hours shopping for end tables and lamps and pillow shams, returning them again and again. She is a mild hypochondriac, complaining of this or that ailment and telling you in detail about her last trip to the doctor. She talks non-stop and rarely comes to a point. I stopped trying to figure out where her narratives were going because they don't. I can tell when she's being gossipy because she is circuitous and vague with narrowed eyes and a lowered voice. And I can tell when she's telling an affectionate story because her voice gets squealy and she laughs a lot. The content is more or less dada. Anonyhub's dad is open and friendly and laughs out loud a lot, but life is little more than a series of tasks to be completed. He is constantly doing small jobs around the house, or making jovial but disparaging comments to his children about why they aren't on the same hamster wheel - clearing their gutters or drywalling the basement or whatnot.
Enter their son, a high-strung, moody boy with a penchant for poetry and drawing. He got the high-strung from his mom. The poetry and drawing bit he got from god knows where. All of the things they like to do, Anonyhub was never that interested in doing. And vice versa. They are a star-crossed family, to a certain extent. He loves them. They are his parents. They love him. He is their child. But none of them have any idea of what makes the other tick. This troubles Anonyhub's parents not in the least. But being an overly sensitive chap, it troubled (and still troubles) Anonyhub greatly.
So they went to Disney World when Anonyhub was seven or so. This is where things get a little fuzzy for me, but he loved getting immersed in this other world. He thought he would explode with delight. And when he realized that people had created this other world from nothing, from swampland, something important was cauterized in him. I think he was suddenly introduced to this vision of creativity that he wasn't getting from anywhere else. It somehow became a liferaft. Micky is like a neglectful daddy, who, no matter how poorly he behaves, has a son that loves him fiercely just for siring him.
Because, you know, why else would anyone love the guy?
So I suck it up when Anonyhub gets enthusiastic with Anonybabe about all things Disney. As long as she is also exposed to many many other kinds of entertainment I don't much see the harm. Especially if I can convince Anonyhub that he Anonybabe should spend time alone in the Magic Kingdom, while I go polish off a few roller coasters at Boardwalk & Baseball. I'll just have to hope she's articulate enough to explain herself if she doesn't share daddy's penchant for the Small World ride. Otherwise he' s going to think I turned her against it.
I don't...I just can't....sigh.
He doesn't get why pretty much everyone we know is so unwaveringly anti-Disney. And he was the first to make me really think about why I'm so dismissive. It's self-evident, right? When pressed I can offer some beefs: the incessant branding of everything and anything they can get their hands on , the overwhelming creepiness of their tv shows, the blandness of the parks. He gets especially tetchy when I mention the parks. Especially tetchy. Anyone who doesn't think the parks are magical is a 17th level Ebeneezer Scrooge, hellbent on depriving all children everywhere of Christmas and the Easter bunny and St. Patrick's Day all at once. If I don't like the parks then I don't get what makes him tick and maybe we aren't meant to be together.
So obviously the parks strike a nerve. Why? Well, I've managed to effectively keep myself in the dark about this, since it was I fight I could avoid. I haven't been willing to go to the mat to deface the mouse, as much as I have no respect for him. But over the roughly seven years that Anonyhub and I have been together, I've managed to splice together a few clues.
Let's just start with the mean premise on which my theory rests: my in-laws suck. Not unequivocably; they aren't without merit, but as Anonyhub's parents they kind of blew. They are blue-collar, hard-working Iowa folk. Together since jr. high, married right out of high school, didn't go to college. Bought a little house and scrimped and saved and built onto it and filled it up with two kids. Like to laugh and drink and get together with friends and family. Sounds good, right?
Okay, here's the part where I spew like a condescending asshole. They are also one of the blandest, most vacuous families I ever spent time with. Anonyhub's mother spent much of the 30 plus years of her marriage decorating and redecorating their house. She is notorious for repainting a room oh, seven or eight times until she gets it the color that she likes it. And then she'll move on to another room and start the whole process again. They spend hours and hours shopping for end tables and lamps and pillow shams, returning them again and again. She is a mild hypochondriac, complaining of this or that ailment and telling you in detail about her last trip to the doctor. She talks non-stop and rarely comes to a point. I stopped trying to figure out where her narratives were going because they don't. I can tell when she's being gossipy because she is circuitous and vague with narrowed eyes and a lowered voice. And I can tell when she's telling an affectionate story because her voice gets squealy and she laughs a lot. The content is more or less dada. Anonyhub's dad is open and friendly and laughs out loud a lot, but life is little more than a series of tasks to be completed. He is constantly doing small jobs around the house, or making jovial but disparaging comments to his children about why they aren't on the same hamster wheel - clearing their gutters or drywalling the basement or whatnot.
Enter their son, a high-strung, moody boy with a penchant for poetry and drawing. He got the high-strung from his mom. The poetry and drawing bit he got from god knows where. All of the things they like to do, Anonyhub was never that interested in doing. And vice versa. They are a star-crossed family, to a certain extent. He loves them. They are his parents. They love him. He is their child. But none of them have any idea of what makes the other tick. This troubles Anonyhub's parents not in the least. But being an overly sensitive chap, it troubled (and still troubles) Anonyhub greatly.
So they went to Disney World when Anonyhub was seven or so. This is where things get a little fuzzy for me, but he loved getting immersed in this other world. He thought he would explode with delight. And when he realized that people had created this other world from nothing, from swampland, something important was cauterized in him. I think he was suddenly introduced to this vision of creativity that he wasn't getting from anywhere else. It somehow became a liferaft. Micky is like a neglectful daddy, who, no matter how poorly he behaves, has a son that loves him fiercely just for siring him.
Because, you know, why else would anyone love the guy?
So I suck it up when Anonyhub gets enthusiastic with Anonybabe about all things Disney. As long as she is also exposed to many many other kinds of entertainment I don't much see the harm. Especially if I can convince Anonyhub that he Anonybabe should spend time alone in the Magic Kingdom, while I go polish off a few roller coasters at Boardwalk & Baseball. I'll just have to hope she's articulate enough to explain herself if she doesn't share daddy's penchant for the Small World ride. Otherwise he' s going to think I turned her against it.
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