I keep putting off writing this post because there's a hidden mountain of personal angst and government inertia and medical testiness surrounding baby vaccinations - one that I didn't really know existed before having a child, and one that I'm loathe to try to climb on in one post. In a nutshell, I'm frustrated with our country's medical system, I'm impressed with the parents who have decided to fight the power and get as much hard-won information as they can about what is getting injected into their babies' bloodstreams, and I wish I'd put 100 times as much effort into reading up on baby wellness alone before Anonybabe was born.
It's a complicated and emotionally charged topic. Last week I finally got my hands on this excellent book about childhood vaccinations from someone who seems to take a pretty balanced approach when it comes to deciphering the why's and the why not's. I wish I'd read it before Anonybabe was born, but as it was, I put a lot more effort into getting ready for the birth than getting ready for the no-less-seismic-and-much-longer-lasting aftermath. (But I guess that's what first babies are, right? Practice? *Anonymom sighs into her hands*).
I will say that I decided to give Anonybabe a full round of CDC recommended vaccinations and I wish that I hadn't. Most of them seem completely unnecessary and if the vaccine conspiracy theorists are correct, they could be dangerous.
I didn't think about shots at all before getting knocked up, and only began to realize they existed around month eight of my pregnancy, when I was interviewing pediatricians and met a nurse practitioner I really liked at the office I ended up taking Anonybabe to. She asked whether we planned on getting shots. "I guess so," I answered. I'd gotten all of mine as a child and I (debatedly) turned out okay. "We recommend the full round of immunizations for all children in this office; the benefits outweigh the risks," she said. "I'll give you some handouts." I shrugged an okay.
I forewent any shots for Anonybabe at the hospital right after her birth; that had more to do with the hospital pediatrician than me. Although no shots are always better than shots, I could have been swayed either way by being told "you need this".
After Anonybabe was home, most of my mental energy was spent trying to get Anonybabe to nurse regularly without chafing my nipples off and to figure out why I was still bleeding. I spent a lot of time in an absolute daze. But when I could, I tried to cram in as much of "What to Expect in the First Year" that I could. I gathered that some people really were concerned and upset about giving shots to their children.
So before her 4 week appointment, I read the thick section on shots in "What to Expect" as well as the handouts the doctor's office had given me. I didn't find anything helpful about vaccinations on the Internet at that point; I only had time for cursory searches and the anti-vaccination sites I found seemed too shrill and conspiracy theory-y for me to trust them. So I listened to the literature which told me that the risks of getting sick were higher than the risks of getting vaccinated. The rare adverse reaction to the vaccines seemed unlikely. Plus I believe in doing what's best for public health, and I thought getting the vaccines would help prevent the spread of serious diseases.
I felt okay about the first round of shots at week 4. The nurse helped. She was calming and adept, letting us hold Anonybabe and lining up all the shots so she could administer them as quickly as possible. Anonybabe yelped as the needle went in and then immediately calmed. I watched Anonybabe carefully for any reactions, but saw none.
The second round of shots at week 8 were a nightmare. I had a very bad feeling about them going in, but was embarrassed to cancel the shots based on an oogy feeling. Again, I'd read what I could find on shots, but was still exhausted, still bleeding, still confused, still prone to listen to our pediatrician. The experience this time was horrible. A different nurse had us hold Anonybabe stiff and prone on the table, and then took her time giving each shot, putting on a bandaid after each injection and even explaining that she was waiting between shots to "give her a minute". A minute to what? To scream bloody murder? Anonybabe continued to scream as we clothed her and carried her down to the parking garage. She eventually developed a large hard bump under one of the injection sites, which we were told was normal, but it was still unnerving. The bump didn't go away for several weeks and I beat myself up for just going with the flow.
Before the six month visit, I tried to find more vaccination information but found everything I read very confusing. Aluminum was suspect but had been taken out of vaccines? No medical establishment had been able to link vaccines to autism? I grilled the pediatrician when we took Anonybabe in for her six month appointment, and was dissatisfied with the vague answers I got about the safety of the vaccines, but still felt I should get them rather than not. We asked for the competent nurse again and the vaccination went smoothly.
But for other various reasons I was growing increasingly dissatisfied with the pediatrician I'd picked. I looked for another who I heard was more encouraging about co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding and would work with you whether or not you wanted to get shots. We took her in for a 9 month (no shot) checkup and he told us he suggested a less rigorous schedule than the one we'd be following. Since then I've had more time and more brain cells firing at once, and have taken the opportunity to read more pro and anti-shot literature. The more I read, the more I'm sold on a much more watered down shot schedule.
So we're taking Anonybabe in for a one year appointment next week and I am going to definitely go for two of the recommended shots, I'm going to turn down three or four, and I'm going to grill the pediatrician about two or three I'm on the fence about.
This whole process of deciding whether or not to give shots has been completely confusing and overwhelming. I want what's best for Anonybabe and I don't want to compromise her health either way. I wish there was a ton more transparency about what's getting pumped into our kids veins, and good loud-mouthed parents have been demanding it. I hope if/when we have another kid we won't be the only ones who are better prepared to answer the to vaccinate/not to vaccinate question. I hope the doctors and vaccine makers are as well.
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